Worst of 2011

I was going to do a top ten best and worst of 2011, but honestly…. it felt like a huge stretch to come up with ten films that I could recommend without having a little asterisk clause!   But if you must know, DRIVE was by far my favorite of the year, hands down.   And if you haven’t had a chance to see Tucker & Dale vs. Evil, do it!

Ok, so far the Top Ten Worst of 2011 in no particular order….

Scream 4:  While I suspect that the original screenplay might have been more worthwhile than the eventual product, this is what audiences were left with as the unnecessary capper for the series.     Characters inorganically returning for no reason, actors from the parody movies showing up in “serious” roles before spouting off horrific one liners in their dying breath, and worst of all, one of the most annoying villains of movie history.    (All might be forgiven if we get something like Wes Craven’s New Scream, however.)

Shark Night 3D:  I do love a good shark movie, and with the promising premise of the trailer, how could they go wrong?   Oh how they did.   Boring, bland, and banal with bad effects, I was most shocked this wasn’t a SciFi SyFy Saturday morning special.

A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas:   Except it wasn’t very at all except for the NPH scene as usual.    You know when they can no longer get the original actors to do a sequel and they sometime get lesser knowns to do a prequel or something a la Dumb and Dumberer.    Well this is exactly what this feels like, to the embarrassment of the original actors.

I Am Number Four:  Is actually more like number two, moving on.

Green Lantern:  Again, big budget sci-fi movie, funnyman Ryan Reynolds, how could they miss?    Well, they could make him non-funny and squander any potential big action scenes.   Not to continue to join the anti-CGI train, but all I could ever do is stare at his computer costume and wonder why they had to do that.

Battle Santa Monica:   Apparently called Battle Los Angeles in theatres, but they never really got to LA proper did they?   Plus, it helps me differentiate it from Battle Marina Del Ray aka Skyline.    Utterly unwatchable, even though it did give me my biggest laugh-out-loud line of the year, “Maybe I can help. I'm a veterinarian. “

Hangover Part 2:   I am not even a fan of the original, so don’t ask me how I ended up watching this one.   Unlike the first one, this strangely doesn’t play as a comedy and instead plays pretty dramatic, which makes the proceedings even more dire than usual.    If there was an actual moment or scene where someone actually laughed, please let me know, I don’t think it’s possible.

Transformers Dark of the Moon:  Strange title, isn’t it?   I despise this series for its utter lameness and loudness, inhibiting my ability to nap during certain stretches in the theatre.    I see Ehren Kruger can also be to blame for ruining another Hollywood franchise; I can only blame Michael Bay so much.    Awful as it is, he still can pull in opening weekend numbers, plus…. I love The Island.     I really hope Frances McDormand bought herself something very nice with the paycheck she brought home from this.

Straw Dogs:   A remake that doesn’t quite work despite Alexander Skarsgard, whose presence should’ve been enough to make any husband uneasy.    Actually, any wife for that matter too.   Now there would’ve been an interesting twist that this movie could’ve taken.    And the riff on the original poster, atrocious.

Wrong Turn 4:    This barely counts as a 2011 release, but rarely have I wanted to throw out my whole television just because this movie appeared on it.      This is far from a standout franchise to begin with, but I was appalled by the bad acting, pacing, and plot.   No fun at all.

And below are some honorable mentions of films I have not seen (yet), but can already tell they will definitely make the cut of the worst films of 2011… Jack & Jill, The Zookeeper, I Don’t Know How She Does It (the poster alone puts women back forty years), The Beaver (really, Jodie?), and New Years Eve… gross.